Kate is a mum of two from Essex. Her daughter Charlotte was diagnosed with autism when she was 3.5 years old. Now as she gets ready to turn 10, Charlotte is happy, positive, thriving young lady, ready to make her mark on the world.
When did you first suspect signs of autism in Charlotte?
There were no really obvious signs. Looking back, Charlotte was quite clingy, always attached to me, but as my first child I had no real frame of reference. She did have the occasional meltdowns at some of the baby classes we went to and would take longer to resettle than some of the other children. Charlotte started crawling and walking earlier than her peers but was a bit delayed when it came to talking. Other than that, she was a happy and contented child.
Why did you decide to get her assessed for autism?
It was our childminder at the time that suggested we might want to get Charlotte checked. I took her for her two-year check-up, band they referred us to a paediatric specialist. At two and a half years old Charlotte had an ADOS assessment but they said she was too young for them to tell and to wait another year. In that year I did lots of research and found out as much as I could about autism. We went back when Charlotte was three and a half and the diagnosis was confirmed.
How did you feel when Charlotte was diagnosed with autism?
Even though I had done all the research I was still shocked when the diagnosis came. I didn’t know what I know now and was upset, worried, and concerned about what the future would look like for Charlotte. I joined autism groups on Facebook and started talking to other parents. As time went by I got more used to the idea and started putting in place the right support for Charlotte. I found a local pre-school that was strong in SEN and Charlotte started going a few days a week. She did really well and learnt so much. It was good for her to be around other children and she made lots of friends. Her language development was still slow but it was coming along.
What happened when Charlotte start school?
Charlotte went to school with a One Plan in place. She was lucky – her school is extremely nurturing and she has done really well. Charlotte is great at writing and being creative. Her drawings are excellent, and she is really good at music. Charlotte isn’t a natural logical thinker and although she finds maths challenging and has some additional support at school, she is where she needs to be for her age. Charlotte did initially have speech and language therapy but is ok now.
Charlotte doesn’t like to ask for help or draw attention to herself, so her teachers check in with her regularly to check her understanding. We’ve been very lucky with the school.
How do you feel about the transition to secondary school?
I worry about secondary school and the changes ahead. Charlotte can get a bit muddled when it comes to practical tasks like getting dressed and tying shoelaces. She needs lots of reminding about things so I worry about how she will organise herself.
I also worry about ‘girl politics’ as they get older and how Charlotte might handle this. At the moment if some of the girls in her class are being unkind Charlotte will take herself off and play with another group. I worry that she won’t be able to do this so easily at secondary school.
She also worries about getting in trouble and getting told off or put in detention. She doesn’t want to make any mistakes. Charlotte loves being part of clubs and has lots of interests and I’m hoping that she will follow this path when she starts secondary school to keep her occupied.
How does Charlotte feel when she was diagnosed with autism?
When we got the original diagnosis, I went on a course that advised us to gradually talk about the differences. It was also suggested that it would be good to start talking to her about it more in year five, which is where we are now. Charlotte knows she has autism and we talk about it very positively. She also has other friends with autism so doesn’t feel alone.
Charlotte is starting to understand her nuances. We celebrate how creative she is, how she has great attention to detail and Charlotte is really starting to embrace it. We have always wanted to be honest and truthful about her autism so she never feels ashamed of it or different.
What advice would you give a parent with a child recently diagnosed with autism?
That you learn as you go. Look for your child’s strengths and work with them to really nurture their skills. The great thing for this generation is that they are growing up in a world that is much more open and accepting of neurodiversity. Now I know much more about autism I feel more optimistic about what the future holds for Charlotte. We recognise that there will be challenges but we’re also very aware of her strengths and try to think positively.
What does the future hold for Charlotte?
It is still sometimes hard to imagine what the future will look like for Charlotte. It does feel quite unknown, but Charlotte has already expressed an interest in becoming a graphic designer. She is so arty and creative that I can envisage her doing something like this. I feel that she will be able to live independently but stay close by to us.
Charlotte is such a positive child; she removes herself from any negative situation and just wants everyone to be happy. She works hard, is ambitious and has a great attitude when it comes to learning. We couldn’t be prouder of her.
View more parent stories via our blog or learn more about Dr Sona Kaur and her own experience about navigating through life being neurodiverse herself. You can also book autism assessments through her practice.
